Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol. It can’t even get itself out of the bottle. I try to convince myself that it’s the alcohol talking. I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. I have made an important discovery… that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. Frank SinatraĪlcohol is the anaesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. Dylan ThomasĪlcohol may be a man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. A lot of times that’s not so bad – but New York City? Henry Youngman Funny Alcohol QuotesĪn alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Scott FitzgeraldĪlways do sober what you said you’d do drunk. Edward Burkeįirst you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough. Eventually the whole family gets to play. Steve FergosiĪlcoholism isn’t a spectator sport. LewisĪ drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. William Butler YeatsĪ man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober. I told him, “I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” Chelsea Handler Funny Drunk QuotesĪn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not. William Faulknerĭrink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy. I drink to make other people interesting. Champagne in the throat of our diplomatic people is like oil in the wheels of an engine. No government could survive without Champagne. I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others. Humphrey BogartĪ man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. I exercise self-control and never touch a beverage stronger than gin before breakfast. One more drink and I’ll be under the host. I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not. The only day I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they’re going to feel all day. George Burnsįor a bad hangover, take the juice of two quarts of whiskey. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth of fourteenth. Mark TwainĪctually, it only takes me one drink to get loaded. Water taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody. Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough. I drink to make other people more interesting. Ogden NashĬhampagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. Catherine ZandonellaĬandy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne. What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? W. One reason that I don’t drink is that I want to know when I’m having a good time. I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go for a week without a drink. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
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